Letting Go of the Hand: From Child To Something Else

Knowledge - or 'knowing' the world inside out - how it works and how it does not, especially in terms of social order, is a sign of curiosity, yes, but also foolishness, since all knowledge not in use becomes a burden. We should view knowledge not as a cosmos, but as a cascade of rooms with infinite doors you enter. As you traverse the physical world, you traverse knowledge, never biting more than you can chew - and act on. You only take what you need from each room, to walk through the doors again - never more, and never less... There's always a mistake to make and never leave. So action should direct your knowledge, since knowledge will make you stay. It will say it's thirsty, and you have to quench that thirst by licking sand and saying, 'I better die of thirst than stasis!' What worth does a life have where I know much, but do so little? I am an animal, not a book, and I move, and I traverse, and I conquer.

We want knowledge to avoid mistakes, to pick and choose how we live and die. To pick the right actions for the right reasons and the right outcomes. No surprise we become stifled and half dead - there's no place for a hearty laugh, outburst of compassion, or zeal of a predator. We are cynics, if not sarcastic in voice, sarcastic in heart. We know what we know, and we despise the world which does not arrange to meet our own idiosyncratic hinterwelt. Most of us despise the 'wrong' type of human, but before a sickness, we don't lament the way our cell works... We have this tendency to hate, not due to the 'wrongness' of others but due to the wrongness of it not fitting our 'plan'. Answer me this - would it be more right to hate because you felt like it, or because you had reasons to back it up? So why is Love more right when you just love? What is this calculating force - robbing us of vitality? These forms, we try to push the world into, same as these ideals we fail to meet, that we decline to live until we fit? Whatever your reasons they do not matter much. The world has nothing to do with it. What is in you, that's you and that's on you to live it.

Cowards. Afraid to find out you have love for your enemy and hate for your friend. That you are weak in places you didn't know existed, regret decisions you made in full heart and mind. That you are not one, you are many. That there are faces you own that you do not know or want. I noticed the love for Jung because he allows us to overfocus on archetypes, and many read him and think they can pick and choose. Think again, I know your despicable type, and you cannot escape the all-seeing eyes that know your parlor tricks well... Oh, you are so smart, so divine with the little roles you play. So overfocused on yourself, you fail to notice all your enemies, all you deem below you play the same.

It enrages you, these people, this world, it should be cleansed, it should be changed! It will be the same, it will work the same, it is in its nature and for all your knowledge you fail to face the simple fact - since it is its nature, you might as well live yours. You live, you die, the world is the same. Don't you want to let go and taste what being as cruel and uncompromising as nature itself is? Why not make a decision on your own, maybe because you felt like it, maybe because you resent that it does not follow your whims, like you follow its?

There is this cretin, who would sit down and watch TV if he did this. This cretin says it's human nature. Evolutionary mismatch. Maladaptive adaptation. He needs one thousand proofs and one thousand explanations. Examples, sources, justifications. It's boring, it makes me want to put my eyes out, to burn the house down. All I can say to him is this - if you are honest it will run out. Have faith. And you will start to know what a mistake feels like. That's your knowledge, real knowledge. You have to accept making mistakes, and making them on your own. But to do so, you have to do them wholeheartedly. If you hold back, even just a little you never learn anything at all. There is also this other type, the intellectual. Why do you love knowledge if it's all fake? What use is it for you? You have hope it will work out. Go all in knowledge. Read, write, think. After many years, if you are honest you will know what a mistake feels like too.

There is no right way to live, not because there are many ways - there is no right way to live, because there is none. It doesn't mean we should try to be better - to listen, to care, to compromise. It means there's no end in sight. It's life. It's nature. It evolves, but it stays. It will always be as it is. You can only traverse that which is - inner and outer. You will never get this! You will never get this! You will never put your affairs in order, your thoughts, your hopes and dreams! It's all fleeting, it's all lost! You can never get even with the world, with people in it... I know your secret, what you try to do! You want to pull one over me, one over everyone! You think you can trick, outsmart, outthink, but you cannot! Like a child, angry at its parents.. Scheming and plotting… Life does not care for you! All you can do is travel; you can never GAIN. Life is an action sequence, and action is the only place you can find yourself and your glory. Shake away your miserable conceptions and your hopes for help and riches. You will never get even, but maybe you will join in...